oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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