Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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