you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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