Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
