you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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