i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Houston, we have a squirter
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
