someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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