so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
