It's Friday. Sex?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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