Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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