just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
