i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
