I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
