is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
