He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
