Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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