Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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