We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
