I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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