dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
