I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
