Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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