i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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