You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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