i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
