I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
