Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
