don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
