u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
