I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
