just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
