I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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