I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
