i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
