Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
