she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Vodka?
Forever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
