oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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