I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
