youre lurking in front of me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
