I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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