And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
