I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
