you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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