Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
