Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
