The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
