we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
