I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
