Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm too high and old for this...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
