it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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