Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
