I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
