I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
