I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize