I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I CAN MOONWALK!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
