i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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