do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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