it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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