Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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