Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
