I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
