How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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