Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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