its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
