I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
