Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
